More Than Animals - Week 3 - Monogamy

We’re in a series called More Than Animals, where we're exploring the unique aspects of being human. Today’s topic is Monogamy.

Monogamy
In our current culture, everything is sexualized. It’s pervasive on social media platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and various dating apps. They elevate sex to a level it doesn’t deserve. Our vocabulary even reflects this overemphasis on sex. For example, I once used the term "hookup" in a sermon, and everyone gasped.

Sin sexualizes everything it touches.
We teach our kids an illusion of thoughtless freedom with the idea that if we can’t stop them, we should at least teach them safe sex. But we need a higher standard. Parents, it’s crucial to talk to your kids about sex earlier than you think necessary. By fifth grade, they already know about it. I recommend a practical guide:

Sex is dangerous, but it's good.
There's tremendous power in sex, and kids aren't ready for that much power. But this doesn’t mean sex is bad. Only God could have created the pleasures of sex. From an evolutionary perspective, reproduction could be just a mechanical exchange of bodily fluids. But for humans (and maybe dolphins), sex isn’t just an urge. It’s a gift.

God created sex.
Sex is morally good. A sinless life is not a sexless life. Coming out of youth group, I thought sex was evil. It’s not. But God did put parameters on sex. I don’t expect non-Christians to follow these, but here are some Biblical parameters for sex:

1. One Marriage: The ideal is that divorce is never necessary. God wants your marriage to last forever. While we believe in forgiveness, God does hate divorce.
2. Two People: Be creative in the bedroom, but don’t bring others into it. Make a lifelong marriage commitment before having sex.
3. Make Babies: This largely explains why two different genders are necessary in a sexual relationship. If you can't have babies, you can still have sex, but we're talking about God's ideal.

Why did God create sex?

1. To Make Disciples: Sex literally makes disciples. The primary way Christianity grows is by having kids and teaching them to love God. Christians, we’re not doing enough of this. Throughout Scripture, God says:

   Genesis 9:1: "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth."

   On making babies, the Bible is not unbiased. Have lots of babies. Our culture discourages large families and calls them irresponsible, which is absurd. If you can't have babies, adopt.

   Psalm 127:4-5: "Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!"

2. To Strengthen Relationships: Sex builds intimacy between a husband and wife that goes beyond the bedroom. Humans are the only "animals" that have sex face-to-face because it helps build healthy relationships.
3. To Reflect God’s Image: When a man and a woman have sex, they become a new person. This is why the Church is called the bride of Christ. When a man and woman are united, they reflect God’s image.

   Genesis 2:24-25: "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame."

   The world’s version of sex is full of shame.

Biblical Sex Fills, Uncommitted Sex Spills
When you have sex within the parameters of marriage, it’s fulfilling. Outside of these parameters, it leaves you feeling empty. When you give yourself sexually to someone, they take part of you and might gossip about you, leaving you depleted.

Require a Covenant.
Someone might say they love you, but unless they’re willing to marry you, don’t believe them. Don’t give yourself to someone who hasn’t made a marriage covenant with you.

Biblical Sex Requires:

1. Intimacy: More than sharing your body; it’s sharing your burdens, blessings, and dreams. When kissing starts, talking stops. We need both.
2. Commitment: Without commitment, there’s no trust. Spend a life, not just a night, together.
3. Maturity: Deferred gratification is essential. Studies show that the older the age of sexual activity, the higher the chances of long-term relationship success.
4. Love: Love is the Christian moral ethic, and you can’t have Biblical sex without Christian love. Sex as a recreational activity goes against the primary Christian command because it hurts you and your partner.

   “The trouble with a sick and purely physical sexuality is that the whole person is not involved. The bodily libido is temporarily satisfied, but the heart and mind do not participate and therefore are not quieted by the encounter. Sexuality without love never achieves fulfillment, for when sexuality breaks free from love, it can never be total.” – Helmut Thielicke

We are people of love because God is love. If sex is disconnected from real, sacrificially committed love, it’s not used the way God intended.

John 4:7-18:

⁷ Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Please give me a drink.” ⁸ He was alone at the time because his disciples had gone into the village to buy some food.

⁹ The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans.^a]">[a] She said to Jesus, “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?”

¹⁰ Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.”

¹¹ “But sir, you don’t have a rope or a bucket,” she said, “and this well is very deep. Where would you get this living water? ¹² And besides, do you think you’re greater than our ancestor Jacob, who gave us this well? How can you offer better water than he and his sons and his animals enjoyed?”

¹³ Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. ¹⁴ But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

¹⁵ “Please, sir,” the woman said, “give me this water! Then I’ll never be thirsty again, and I won’t have to come here to get water.”

¹⁶ “Go and get your husband,” Jesus told her.

¹⁷ “I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied.

Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband— ¹⁸ for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!”

This woman was empty and depleted because she had given herself to too many men. Jesus offered her true fulfillment.

Jesus told her to get her husband because her husband should be filling her up. Your cup shouldn’t be empty. If you’re married and your spouse isn’t doing the give and receive thing, seek counseling. Invest in your marriage.

This isn’t God’s plan. Her plan left her depleted. If you’ve depleted yourself, God wants to make you whole again. Then, He wants you to do it His way. Jesus told the woman at the well that she was looking for fulfillment in the wrong place, and He offered her true fulfillment. Her past mistakes didn’t mean the end for her; they made her more desperate for God to fill her cup.